Voters, like prostitutes, can be fickle bedfellows

(From the Reno Gazette-Journal)

The instant it was discovered that New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer had, ahem, retained the services of prostitutes, Americans cried out as one for the charlatan to be clapped in irons and paraded through the news cycle like a prisoner of the morality wars. Just like we always do.

Don't get me wrong. It warms the cockles of a young reporter's heart to see that even in these divided times, folks can still reach across the aisle to join in the gang beating of an adulterous hypocrite. The fact that all three presidential contenders (and presumably Ron Paul, if anyone were still asking him) suddenly agree on an issue is nothing short of remarkable. Even if that agreement comes in the form of a shaky "Uh, if in fact bad things were done, we would then consider those things to be bad."

But even as Spitzer and his preternaturally loyal wife made the mandatory rounds, it's hard not to feel like we've been here before. Does the name Bill Clinton ring a bell for anyone? How about David Vitter or Arnold Schwarzenegger? How about Gary Condit or Gavin Newsom? Closer to home, what about Jim Gibbons and Katie Rees?

When you think about it, it seems like a whole lot of politicians run into trouble keeping their carnal desires within socially acceptable bounds. (If you just said, "Hey, wait a second! Katie Rees isn't a politician, she's the Nevada beauty queen who got in trouble for those naked pictures!" then you clearly identify with their struggles.) And I say it's about time to ask ourselves, and them, why that might be.

I've got a hypothesis: Because most politicians are ambitious and morally flexible. The mere process of running for public office attracts people who have good social skills, an amorphous belief system and an overriding desire to pursue things they want, even at great personal cost. Not coincidentally, those are also qualities one would assume useful in cheating on one's spouse.

But we know all that. When the news came out about Spitzer, did anyone really get a case of the vapors and faint dead away like a blushing Southern belle whose faith in the goodness of man had been shattered? My guess is no. It was just, "Oh, man, another one?" and a passing gratitude that no congressional pages were involved.

But most media coverage, and in fact most people's outward reaction, did not reflect that attitude. On cable and the newfangled series of tubes Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens likes to call the Internet, it was all moral outrage and impeachment threats.

Knowing as we do that many of the pols and commentators torching Spitzer probably have a few documents of their own they'd rather the IRS didn't see, it's hard to believe that all the sound and fury is the real deal.

Heck, if your favorite politician, be it Kennedy or McCain, hasn't yet been popped for stepping out on a spouse, you start to nervously wonder what else they might be doing with all that excess cash and raw ambition.

And that's what it really comes down to: These folks can generally do whatever they want, and that fact makes the common man crazy. If you or I got caught hiring hookers or taking job-related bribes, we'd be looking at some life-altering problems; but when a senator does it, they get to run for president. That's the sort of dichotomy that starts revolutions.

So, lacking a guillotine, we instead wait for a breach in an official's public relations armor and then hit him there with years' worth of pent-up jealousy. There were widespread reports of high-fiving and cheering on Wall Street when Spitzer took the fall, and you can bet there will be more of the same around Nevada if Gov. Gibbons' marriage fails.

Displays like that certainly aren't kind, but I don't think they're really about meanness, either. They're about a sense of relief that no one gets to be king forever.